Hustle Me Faithful

Finished play. Rather short and I'm sorry for all the swearing.


Hustle Me Faithful
by Ed Chaney
Act 1
Scene 1
Narrator (Sounds like the twilight zone): Picture if you will, a stage.
A light falls on an empty stage.
Narrator: And on that stage there is a man and woman.
A couple clearly bedecked in wedding garb, her face hidden behind a veil, stroll to their positions facing one another.
Narrator: Before them there stands a priest, or rabbi, or pastor. A man of the cloth, G-d clearly before him and about him.
A man in black steps from the wings and stands downstage from the couple. He smiles on as they look into each others eyes. Emotion plays at the scene. The man smiling down at the woman, his love as apparent as the sun at noon. In unison they look to the pastor.
He smiles the smile of a man who has lived a long life. A man who has seen these happy couples and their remnants. He sees them now as he hopes they will always be: together.
Pastor: Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Woman: I do.
The pastor nods and turns to the man. He looks at the boy as if he would like to reach out a hand and touch the man's shoulder. The look is fatherly in all manners of the metaphor.
Pastor: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?
Man: (After a moment, whispered) I do.
His eyes gleam and the pastor raises his hands in prayer and supplication. He then joins the couples hands and draws a deep breath.
And pauses
Narrator: Now, as doth I proclaim it, I speak it into being/
That Love is like a Time Machine,
and ever are we leaving.
Pastor: I do now marry you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost; by the power vested in me by this our great state of California. (He looks on at them and speaks dramatically) I now pronounce you (beat) man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
Lights fall.
Scene 2
SFX: Stomping, running feet.
SFX: Car tires screeching
SFX: Cheering
SFX: Plane taking off
Stewardess voice: Welcome to Hawaii!
SFX: Doors slamming
SFX: Passionate moans which fade to the sound of the ocean.
Lights go up.
The stage has a couch and some chairs, it is separated as to indicate a bedroom, a living room, and a veranda. The woman is on the phone in the bedroom talking adamantly, while the man sits on the couch thumbing through a paper back book. Light is dim in the bedroom and the woman's face is obscured.
The man gets up as the woman laughs, carefully placing the book on the table. He walks out to the veranda and sits in a armchair, setting his feet up on the rail or banister.
Woman: (Laughs, then speaks in a hushed whisper) I know, right! But listen, it lasted SO long! It was unbelievable! I had no idea that you could....you know...DO that! (More laughter)
The man sits and lights a cigarette. He looks out onto imaginary white sand and crystal blue ocean. His face is tranquil and his eyes seem to twinkle. All the lights go down except for a spotlight on him.
Lights go down
Scene 3
Rap voice: REWIND!
SFX: Tape rewinding
SFX: Loud synth-pop dance music begins, super upbeat. Continues as the scene begins.
Jake, dressed in normal college dude clothes wanders around the stage, looking for a seat. He finally sets his bag on the table. (Music goes down) The bag makes a shuffling noise. (SFX: SHHHH!) He finally slides into the chair and pulls out a book. He reads intently, seemingly enraptured, when a girl with flaming red hair jumps out of no where and sits beside him. He looks up at her stunned and then looks around waiting for the 'Shhh'. Nothing happens and he turns sheepishly back to his book.
She pulls open her bag (SFX: Pots falling from the sky) and pulls out a small paperback. He looks over and she smiles at him. He turns slightly away from her and looks around.
She leans over to look at what he's reading. He turns his body more away from her. His chair creaks (SFX: small SHHH). His shoulders slump comically as she continues to lean. Finally she is completely out of her seat when he turns to face her. Their faces come very close to each other.
(In unison)
Jake: Can I help you?
Toby: What book are you reading?
SFX: Surround sound shooshing.
Toby looks unperturbed.
Jake: (awkward) It's just a Stephen King novel...
Toby: Ahhh, I see...(Shrugs and implies his literary naivete)
Jake: What's wrong with Tommyknockers?
Toby: (Shrugs again) Nothing, nothing. Good book from what I've heard.
She turns back to her book, feigning disinterest. He looks at her, staring at her swirling corona of hair. She shifts her body away from him, mocking the same manner in which he had her.
Jake: What do you got there?
Toby: Nothing!
Jake: What d'you mean 'Nothing'? That is a book. (Points)
Toby: Mmmm... Well, yes, but nevermind that. Your name is Jake, right?
Jake: (bewildered) Am I being subpoenaed?
Toby: I've come from the future to tell you that someday, you and I will have to re-sire the entire human race, so please, for the love of God, STOP masturbating.
Jake: (laughs. SFX: SHOOSH) Okie dokie. Well that explains it then...
Toby: (Narrows eyes) What.
Jake: Nothing, nothing.
She gets up as suddenly as she came and he stands up, ready to follow, when Stern walks out and spots him. He waves and begins to saunter over. Jake begins to call after her.
Jake: (Loud stage whisper) At least tell me your name!
Jake drops his hands and turns back to the table.
Stern: (Stage whisper) Hey man!
Jake looks past him for a moment and then steps back towards his table.
Jake: Hey dude...listen, (points the direction in which Toby exited) do you know her?
Stern glances over his shoulder and shrugs.
Stern: Dunno. You would imagine I wouldn't be able to miss her with hair like that, eh?
Jake: Yeah...
Stern: But hey! (SFX: Shooshing. Stern ignores this) There's a party tonight at Liza's.
Jake: What time?
Stern: 'Round 8ish, I suspect.
Jake: Whose all gonna be there?
Stern: Same 'ole, same 'ole. Although, there is this one chick, Ashley, I have a Political Science class with her. (Motions with eye brows, hands cupping the air chest) Woo! She is a fox.
Jake: Sounds cool, dude. I'm down.
Stern: Sick...So what happened with the Sweettooth look-a-like?
Jake: She just CAME IN and SAT DOWN and then she just...sorta...left. And thus, I am sexual aroused and confused in the most irritating of fashions.
Jake looks again at the way she left.
Stern: Well we will just have to find you some medication for that sort of thing. I hear electro shock therapy can work wonders for the sexually repressed.
Jake turns and gives Stern the finger and they laugh.
They stand there for a moment looking at one another. The smiles on their faces remain for a few moments. Then the corners begin to droop a bit as the moment lingers on long past the cut of the scene.
Lights go down.
Scene 4
Scene changes to a room with a full length mirror. A spotlight comes on showing Jake standing before it in his tux. His attitude and excited/nervous demeanor indicate that this is just before the wedding ceremony. He is constantly brushing and pulling at different sections of his outfit, but ultimately changing nothing.
The stage lights come up and reveal that Stern lounging behind him. He is rocked back in a chair, leaning against the wall. He looks on at Jake appraisingly.
Stern: Not a bad fit, brah.
Jake doesn't speak, but very slowly smooths down the front of his suit. He turns about and looks at Stern. His eyes are twinkling, seemingly near tears.
Stern: You'll do just fine, man, nothing to worry about! You love her right?
Jake: Yes, yes I do.
Jake smiles at Stern and they laugh at what life has made them. Stern shakes his head and rocks back and forth in the chair. Jake stands and watches him. Stern stares into space.
Stern: You gonna be alright, there, puss-in-boots? Gonna be able to make it without the Monkey King?
Jake shakes his head and smiles, letting out a heavy sigh. With it, all of the tension seems to flood out of him. He turns back to the mirror and looks at himself.
Jake: Of course.
Lights go down.
Scene 5
SFX: Men shouting while they play football
SFX: Assorted grunts and cat-calls
SFX: Whistle blows
SFX: Girls talking in hallways
Lights go up as a football sails across the stage.
Stern: HEADS UP!
SFX: Smack!
Jake catches the football (or drops it depending on the actors physical prowess). He flips it about in his hand 'til the laces are under his fingers and tosses it back. Stern makes an easy grab of it.
Stern: C'mon! Put some muscle into it library troll!
Jake: Hey man!
Catches it and whips it as hard as he can, throwing it off stage.
SFX: Woman screeching and then cursing
Ball comes flying at Jake and hits him. He shouts with surprise and shock, not only at the pain, but also at the quarterback.
Toby: Teach you a little somethin', smart guy.
Jake looks at her flabbergasted as she stands triumphant, now a blond. Stern looks bored.
Stern: Will you get the ball, book stalker?
Jake: One sec man. (He turns to Toby) Hey! Toby! Long time, no see.
Stern turns and paces off stage, clearly annoyed.
Toby: Ha! That's so funny, I forgot to laugh.
Jake: Wow degenerating to the 6th grade in a matter of moments, incredible.
Toby: Shut it fat head. (She leaps over and smooches him)
Jake: So... What's on for tonight?
Jake puts is arm around her shoulders in an easy manner. They walk in the style and fashion of a couple of half a year or so.
Toby: Well, here are the options: Salsa dancing (Music cues. SFX: Blaring Salsa music. Jake and Toby stop midstep until it subsides), go to Jaime's house party (Music cues again. SFX: Loud punk music, fast drums, incoherent singer, etc...Both stay posed until it ends), or just go surfing like usual (Music cues SFX: Surfer tunes a la Dick Dale. Same thing).
Jake turns his head to her's.
Jake: What do you want to do?
Toby: I'm really up for any of them.
Jake: Would you be up for all of them?
Toby: We'd have to kick start a montage, but I think I could manage it. (Both laugh)
Jake: Hey! I've been meaning to ask, (pensively) what are you doing this next semester? Like what are you planning for the fall?
Toby: What do you mean?
Jake: (talks quicker) Well, I know you were offered that fellowship up in Washington, and I have another year or so before I can even begin to think about leaving the state.
Toby: Jake...
Jake: I know, I know. I just wanted to talk it over. I don't want to feel like I'm holding you back...
Toby: (Pulls Jake's face to hers) I know, and that's what I love about you. Don't worry. I'm sure we can find a way to figure this thing out.
Jake turns her slowly to him and embraces her as the mood of the scene shifts to a much more somber tone. He holds her for a moment and kisses her softly. They look into one another's eyes and the lights go down.
Scene 6
Lights come up as the stage is set back up in the “Library” format.
Jake is sitting at a table by himself. He has a book in hand and keeps twitching about nervously. He crosses and uncrosses his legs. He folds his arms and then tries to keep them folded and scratch his nose. He finally lets out a long sigh and reaches for his book. He picks it up and reads intently for a few moments, then sets it back down quickly. He looks around and sets his head upon the table.
The instant it's down, Toby appears. She quietly sneaks over and sits beside him, her hair is hot pink. He takes no notice. She leans over him, looking over him, until finally she puts her face next to his ear.
Toby: (Whisper) Hey!
Jake shoots up in his seat and his chair falls back comically. (SFX: Shooshing from all sides) He grabs it and with a loud clatter resumes his seat. She laughs quietly to herself. He turns red in his seat and looks about quickly. She stops for a moment and looks at him, and he at her, then she snorts and resumes her laughter.
Toby: (Finally. Sighs and wipes at her face) Hey nonny nonny Frodo...
Jake: (He leans toward her. Jokingly) Those...are two completely different references!
Toby looks at him deeply and smirks.
Toby: What's that you're reading, chum?
Again she seems to imply some the literary equivalent of an opiate for the masses. He slips the book away from her, face down. She leans toward him as he does. Their eyes meet one another and the moment begins to ripen with sexual tension. She slowly slips her hand over his, their eyes never leaving each other. In a quick motion, she relieves him of the book and sits back down in her chair. He remains stunned, but is unable to verbalize it.
Jake: Hey!
Toby: (Dead pan) Huh...Gerald Durrell...My Family And Other Animals... Is it any good?
Jake: Well I've just started it..
Toby: (Flips to dog-eared page) Page 175 of a 301 page novel. It's a hell of a start, kid.
Jake: Well, yeah, I suppose it's pretty good.
Toby: What's it about?
Jake: (Thoughtfully) This kid who lives on an island in Greece with his family. He was a zoologist in real life so he has a really great way of describing the animals on the island. Pretty much an amazing way of describing everything. And his family is nuts...
Toby: Mmm that sounds pretty sweet, friend.
He nods and looks about. She waits expectantly.
Jake: Soooo... What are you reading?
Toby: Well (enthusiastic), now that you ask, I am reading a wonderfully delightful novel by a man named Jean March by the title of Hustle Me Faithful.
Jake: What's it about?
Toby: Well, I would tell you, but first I have to tell if the two of us are friends or not.
Jake:( slightly taken aback) Okay...?
Toby: My theory runs like this: You've heard of those sort of psuedo-response, action oriented questions, right?
Jake: (Has no idea) Sure...
Toby: Well, they idea is: I'm going to tell you a story, and depending on your reaction, to said joke, will define the course of our relationship from here on out. Kahpeesh?
Jake: Okie dokie. Hit me.
Toby: Alrighty. So, there was once a very high mountain, and on that mountain there sat a monastery. The monks in this monastery were a quiet kind sort, careful to mean the prayers they said, but not to over emphasize their own self importance in the relationship between them and G-d.
Jake turns now and rest his elbow on the table to better look at her face as she continues with the story.
Toby: So one day, a bird, a hawk actually, flies into the monasteries bell tower and runs into a pillar, breaking its wing. The monks find it up there and decided unanimously that it must be raise back to its former health and vigor. SO, they choose a monk from among there number who is willing enough and add the hawk to his list of daily chores. Everyday he checks the bird and changes the bandages, gives it food or water, catches mice for it to have as treats. Later, when it is healthier, he helps it as it tries to fly or hunt. Now, another monk is also selected to watch over the bird while it is on the mend. He sleeps in the room that the bird is kept in, making sure it does not feel lonely or hurt itself in its sleep. Now, of the two monks, the second falls in love with the bird. He finds its wings majestic and beautiful. He sees its hooked beak and flashing eyes and cannot help but be filled with emotion.
She sets her hands on the table and looks into Jake's face.
Toby: Now, who, in your opinion, loves the bird more? The man who physically cares for the animal or the one who watches over it?
Jake sits back and looks at his hands. He appears deep in thought, contemplating the story from all the conceivable angles. He also wonders to himself what they right answer is, as it pertains to the woman sitting beside him.
Jake: The man who cares for the bird.
Toby looks at him and nods. She then gets up and grabs her backpack.
Jake: What!? I'm sorry? Was that not the right one? Wha...
She comes over to him and holds his hand for a moment, before walking away.
Jake: Wait! What's your name!?
She disappears and he sits back down heavily. He blinks and opens his palm. A scrap of paper sits on top of his hand. His face brightens and a grin grows into a smile. He looks overjoyed and triumphant.
Down come the lights
Scene 7
SFX: Door slamming, stomping feet
Light come up and Jake is sitting on a couch, remote in his hand. Stern enters and stops for a moment to look at Jake. He looks flustered and irritated.
Stern: How you put up with that girl of yours, I will never know.
Jake: (Bewildered) What's up man? What happened?
Stern: (Spreads hands) Nothing happened! I took her home just like you asked me!
Jake: Slow down dude, have a seat, chill! I just wanna know why you are all... (waves hand about in the air).
Stern: I took her home, right? Just doing her a favor. No! Not even that, doin YOU a favor.
He paces for a moment, then moves past Jake.
Stern: (Stage whisper) Fucking ridiculous...
Jake watches him go and shakes his head.
Lights go down
Scene 8
SFX: shoes walking on sidewalks
SFX: wind rustling leaves
SFX: Honking
Lights come up.
Jake and Stern are walking down the sidewalk. They are wearing heavy jackets and scarves indicating a different season and occasion from the previous scene.
Stern: All I'm saying, is you have to call her.
Jake opens his mouth while shaking his head.
Stern: What's the worst that can happen? So you go out with her and she turns out to be a supermodel slash sex maniac billionairess looking for a rebound. She's been with so many rich supermodel-y types, that NOW all she wants is a Hugh Grant-esque character, with whom she can cuddle and talk about books with.
Jake's mouth remains open and he looks at Stern as if Sterns head has been replaced with that of small, rabid, fruit-eating monkey.
Stern: Worst case scenery, I promise. Just look at Ashley and me.
Jake: Ashley and I.
Stern: What?
Jake: It's Ashley and I. That's the grammatically correct way of saying it.
Stern: (Looks like he is addressing a child of two. Bends at the waist and talks in a small sweet voice, stressing the 'w's, a la Dr. Cox) Well we would say 'Just look at I', now would we?
Jake: (Rolls his eyes and makes a noise in his throat) Ugh. You're right...
Stern: About everything. Don't forget it either.
Jake: (Continues previous subject) I don't know. She's just SO pretty and smart and she's got that hair...
Stern places a hand on Jake's chest, stopping him.
Stern: Dear Lord! You've got it bad! (He begins to nod, as if he has struck the nail on the head) Your in...(Physically struggles with the word) Loooooove!
Jake: Go home! Go home! We're done for the day doctor, done!
They laugh and continue their jaunt about the stage.
Jake: Rather circular sidewalk, wouldn't you say?
Stern: The thing with Ashley, was that it fell into place right off. You were there, you remember, right?
Jake: Yes, yes. You cut a swathe across the dance floor, peering into her soul, nothing about the room accept you or her.
Stern: (Absentmindedly) Yep.
Jake: You finally reached her, took her hand in yours, press her delicate fingers to your lips. Her eyes locked in a looks so deep it could only be love or revenge. She pulled you to her, her lips pouted, ready. She turned your head, pressing her breast against your shoulder as she whispered sensually in your ear...
Stern: Yes!
Jake: (Much less sensuous) 'Whose your friend?'
Stern punches Jake in the arm and they laugh again. The turn to walk off stage.
Stern: If you can ever get a date with a chick, I will laugh my self into a coma. Now, come on, I'll buy you a pop, kiddo.
Jake: (Mock appreciatively) Oh you!
They exit the stage and the lights go down.
Scene 9
Lights come up on a replication of the chapel scene. The pastor is absent and the spotlight shines on the couple. The rest of the stage is dark (So it can be set up for the following scene). They look into each other's eyes and he smiles. The scene radiants with the warmth and love from the scene before it. (SFX: Harpsichord strumming) He takes her hand.
Jake: I do.
Lights go down.
Scene 10
Stern: (through the overheads or monitors, a voice in the darkness) You gonna be alright, there?
Jake: (Loud angry shouting, SFX: smashing wood, breaking glass) Damnit! Why! How could you!!!
Light come up on Jake as he stands stage left. Furniture is overturned in the room about him and he is red faced and angry. He is covered with sweat and his clothes are in disarray. He begins screaming and shouting and throwing things about the room. It cannot be seen whether or not he is laughing or crying, but tears run down his face. He throws things about, helter skelter, the actor involved working up a fury. Finally he breaks down into tears and sobs.
Jake: (Moans) W-W-Why...
He stands and rights himself, sniffling and breathing out with great effort to calm himself. He moves upstage and looks out on the audience. His face is sweating and red, tears lining his cheeks and brimming at his eyes.
He stands and just looks out, meeting the eyes of the audience, looking this way and that.
Finally, the lights come down.
End of Act 1
Intermission
Act 2
Scene 1
SFX: Creaking boards
SFX: Light breeze
Spotlight on Jake.
Jake sits again in the chair out on the veranda, as before. There is some light chatter in the background, indicating that his wife is still on the phone and that he is still on his honeymoon. That all that has occurred, thus far, in the play, has been but a moment in his minds eye.
He sits and smokes, looking out, as the spotlight winks out.
Light come back up.
Jake, Toby, and Stern are sitting on a couch, presumably in the fashion of an apartment. The are watching a movie and different colored lights strobe on and off to denote it on their faces.
SFX: Phone ringing
Jake looks to Stern. Stern looks around at the wall and the floor, clearly ignoring Jake. Finally, Jake rolls out from the couch and walks to the still ringing phone. He picks it up.
Jake: Hello.
Stern leans over to Toby. He whispers something and points at the screen. She giggles.
Jake: Yes, I am he. What can I...
Stern continues to talk in her ear. She puts her hand over her mouth to cover her snickers. He points and makes wild, abstract gestures with his hands. She begins to double over.
Jake: Yes... of course. I'll be there in a few. Yeah, thank you.
Jake hangs up the phone and turns to Stern and Toby. Stern leans back and looks innocently at Jake. Jake walks over and presses a button on the remote, pausing the film.
Jake: I have to go, guys. Hey, can you take her home?
Toby: Where are you going?
Stern: What?
Jake: I have to go to the hospital, I guess my mom had some sort of accident or what-have-you. So I need to go in and see how she is. Do you think you could...?
Stern: (Nodding) Yeah, of course, man. You sure you don't want us to come with you?
Toby: Yeah! Why don't we come help out or visit? I'm sure your ma would enjoy the company.
Jake: It'll have to be another time. I need to check on her first, y'know?
They nod at him. He goes and grabs his coat, throwing it about his shoulders quickly.
Jake: Thanks guys!
Toby gets up and goes to the door with Jake.
Toby: (Stage whisper) Let me know how it goes, kay?
She kisses him.
Jake: I'll give you a call tomorrow, kid.
Toby: (As Jake walks out the door) Say hi to her from me!
Toby turns and looks at Stern. He is sitting on the couch. She stands there for a few moments. He turns and looks at her. They lock eyes for a beat.
Lights go down.
Scene 2
Light come on as Jake walks, presumably outside for a smoke.
SFX: Car noises.
SFX: automated door opening and closing
The pastor steps out onto the sidewalk as Jake lights a cigarette. He blows the smoke out and looks over at the pastor.
Pastor: Hey Jake.
Jake: Aya.
The stand in silence for a moment, before the pastor bends and sits on the curb. Jake continues to stand and look out, his hands shake noticeably for a moment.
Pastor: You goin back in there tonight?
Jake: Aya.
The pastor nods and looks down at his hands.
Pastor: You mind if I bum a smoke off you?
Jake hands him the pack.
Jake: Didn't know you smoked, friar.
Pastor: Every now and then. 'is not for me, for the monkey.
Jake: Ah ha.
The pastor puts the cigarette in his mouth and pulls a book of matches from a breast pocket. He lights one and the wind blows it out. He takes the cigarette from his mouth and puts it behind his ear. Jake watches this.
Pastor: Not tonight, I guess.
Jake: God's will?
Pastor: (Amiably) You know it.
They look forward again, the moment less tense.
Pastor: It's lookin real bad in there, Jake.
Jake's hand stops before his mouth. His cigarette is perched between his lips. Smoke rolls up from it as it sits and smolders. The pastor shakes his head and Jake pulls the cigarette out of his mouth. He sets it on the ground and taps it out with his shoe.
Jake: Toby, she hates that I smoke. (Jokingly) Said I should take up long distance jogging for a change of pace.
The pastor looks up at him, looks for a second and smiles.
Pastor: Gotta feed the monkey, eh?
Jake: Guess so, friar, guess so.
Jake spins on his heel, looks back towards the door.
Jake: You comin back in? You're welcome to it as long as you don't plan on hitting on the nurses.
The pastor laughs.
Pastor: Yeah, I'll be in in a second. I just need a moment alone with the Lord.
Jake: (Sadly) Don't we all, friar, don't we all.
Lights go down.
Scene 3
SFX: Pop music
SFX: Cafe sounds
SFX: Clattering and clinking of dishes.
SFX: Espresso shots pulling
Lights come up.
Jake and Toby walk out. (SFX: Door chime) The are covered in coats and shiver slightly. Each clutches a drink. She puts her arms about his waist and he loops an arm around her shoulders. They walk to a bench on the far side of the stage and sit.
Jake: What did you get?
Toby: Hot cocoa with macadamia nut and whipped cream! And you, sir?
Jake: Raspberry mocha.
Toby: Not bad, not bad. I hear a lot of girls drink that.
Jake blows a raspberry at her, spraying her with spittle. She waves her arms haphazardly at him, laughing.
Toby: Stop it! STOP!
Jake: Ahhhh. It's a nice day, kid.
They walk to the bench and sit down. They sip gingerly at their drinks and cup their hands, as if from the cold.
Toby: So... How have you been? You've been pretty busy with all that's been going on.
Jake: (Looks sad for a moment) Yeah, it's been kind of a harrowing couple of weeks.
Toby: You wanna talk about it?
Jake: Nah. Maybe a bit later. It's a nice day. I want to be happy, y'know?
Toby nods and looks down at her cup. Jake is forlorn for a moment before a grin spreads across his face. He turns to Toby, his mannerisms jocular.
Jake: Hey!
Toby: Mmmm?
Jake: You never told me what that book was about?
Toby: The Zombie Survival Guide? It's title seems rather straightforward...
Jake: No, not that one! The other one, the one you told me about in the library.
Toby: (Playfully) You mean The Bell Jar? Well it's all about girls and their problems, like for instance...
Jake: AH! Hustle Me Sidewalks or something...
He searches for the correct phrase, ticking out phrases.
Jake: Hustle Me Fatty, Hustle Me Sideways, Hustle Me Silly Goose...
Toby: Hustle Me Faithful?
Jake: Yep! There we go.
Toby: That was a long time ago, I'm surprised you remembered it.
Jake: (Cocks eyebrow) Mmm?
Toby: Awwww, Alzheimer's.
Jake: Ha ha. (dry)
Toby: (Pats his leg) No really, it's cute. Like having Gramma around.
Jake: (Perches his tongue between his lips) Ooo 'ant uh 'ose uhgin?
Toby: What?
Jake: Nevermind. YOU remember the book right?
Toby: Of course. I never forget a thing.
Jake spreads his hands in a 'Go right ahead' sort of gesture. Then folds his arms across his chest.
Toby: Well...I remember it was a period piece. Something with kings and courts...Unless that was actually Mark Twain...
Jake sighs.
Toby: But I remember the plot! I think it was in Ireland or something. It was about this group of three peasants or rascals or picaresques, what-have-you.
Jake: What was it aboot?
Toby: Well it wasn't so much about what happened as much as the individual characters growth and change.
Jake: Ahhh
Toby: Yeah, I know, right? Might have been better if it was a musical about the music industry, but as it was it was a great book. I was nuts about it for a while.
Jake: I bet.
Toby: It just had this great relationship thing. The group was two guys and a girl and one of the guys was dating the girl in the group; And for the first hundred pages, this the complete norm, and you are sucked into this formatted idea. Then, near the middle, this lid is just blown off and you realize that she, the only “she” involved, ( I think her name was Julian or something) has been in love with the other guy THE ENTIRE time!
Jake: So it was the big twist? A hidden gun?
Toby: Sort of. Yeah! Like that, I guess. And, I don't know, I didn't even think that the sort of love triangle described in the book was anything good or healthy; but for some reason, at that point in my life, I was completely enthralled by it.
Jake: Why, do you think?
Toby: I think because of the way it was written, mostly. The book, up until that point, was relatively tame. (She waves her hands about in a squid-like manner) They had overcome obstacles and hardships, cementing their relationship in the furnace of urban life, etc. But then all of a sudden, this twist, this key, if you will, comes along; and suddenly the whole thing unravels upon itself.
Toby becomes more adamant. She moves close to Jake and gestures as he watches intently.
Toby: It was like this whole group dynamic thing suddenly exploded in your hands and then reformed itself into this distorted chimera. Where once you had this sort of blah adventure novel, now this whole new level of depth was there, an entire lake underneath a pond. It was something I never saw coming so it totally hit me like a semi.
Jake: Wow. That sounds really sick.
Toby: It was really good... I met you!
Jake: Mmmhmm?
Toby: I had forgotten about that until just now, but, in the novel, they have this whole thing about how even in their direst of circumstances, they always have time to chat. Like even as bad as things are, in the bigger picture, it's just another day. It was really funny, like a Three Musketeers type thing. They were always chattin' up some 'broad', whilest escaping or attacking, etc.
Jake: And you were escaping?
Toby: No, I was just sitting in the library, but I became enamored with the ideology of it. SO...
Jake: You came over and chat me up?
Toby: Pretty much.
Jake: That's so romantic, honey, thank you.
Toby: Oh, shut it. It was a really hard thing to do.
Jake: Really?
Toby: Ya, “brah”.
Jake: Pfff, why?
Toby: I don't know! Maybe because you kept leaning away? Maybe because I liked you? Maybe because it's always been hard for me to chat with people I don't know? Anything...Everything!
Jake: Huh. Life.
Toby: (Sighs) Yeah.
Lights go down.
Scene 4
(Loud shouts)
Lights come up.
Hospital sidewalk where Jake talked with the pastor before. Both rush onto the stage. The pastor grabs Jake's arm.
Pastor: (Shouts) Where are you going?
Jake: What the fuck do you want?!
Pastor: I wanna know what the fuck YOU are doing?
Jake: I'm leaving, that's what the FUCK I'm doing!
Pastor: You're gonna leave, while she's up there dying!?
Jake: (Turns his face away. Whispers) I don't care.
Pastor: What?
Jake: (Shouts, close to tears) I don't fucking care!
The pastor pulls Jake back and sets him down on the sidewalk hard.
Pastor: I thought you loved her? Eh? What about that? What about love? You're just going to run away, while she is up there FIGHTING FOR HER FUCKING LIFE?
Jake looks down and begins to shake his head. He covers his head with his arms.
Pastor: Don't give me that. You know better, Jake. You are better Jake!
Pastor looks down at Jake and eases off. He turns away and breaths for a moment. He looks up and blinks quickly for a moment. He closes his eyes for a moment and his face becomes blank.
Jake: She didn't love me, friar, and it reads like a bad paperback novel.
The pastor sighs and turns back. He sits beside Jake on the sidewalk. Jake shakes for a moment, as if from a sob.
Pastor: Of course she does.
Jake: (Shakes his head bitterly) Toby loved Stern. I was just to ignorant to read it.
Pastor: Thats bullshit and you know it.
Jake: (shouts) What the hell was she doing in his car after our fight?
Pastor: I can't answer that question, Jake, you know I can't.
Jake: Exactly.
Pastor: (Growls) Don't you dare, Jake. Not after everything that's happened. You know better.
Jake: (Bitter) Please.
Pastor: What proof do you have, Jake. Tell me that.
Jake opens his mouth, but the Pastor cuts him off.
Pastor: Whose to say that YOU ever loved HER at all?
Jake: What?
Pastor: Or your mother ever loved you?
Jake: What the hell man...
Pastor: Why?
Jake: She raised me, she took care of me, I'm her son for chrissakes!
Pastor: So it's what you do that shows that someone loves another.
Jake: Well...
Pastor: Didn't you and Toby date for four years?
Jake: Get bent, Preach.
Pastor: She kiss you and tell you she loved you? Didn't she hold your hand or talk to you while you cried or didn't cry or were angry or apathetic? Didn't she give you things and share what was personal and important to her?
Jake remains silent. He stares at the ground.
Pastor: In that case, whose to say you ever loved her? Eh? What did you ever do to merit the title “in love”? Maybe it's YOU who doesn't love HER.
Jake: Fuck off Father.
Pastor: Touched a nerve, eh? You can't rant all you want about how she never loved you, but when it's you who continues to kill her, even after everything, no one has the right to tell you 'You never loved her'?
Jake: (Shouts) You know goddam well I ... You knew how I felt! You knew how... How dare you!
Pastor: (Quiet) Do you still love her?
Jake Lays back onto the sidewalk. His hands come up and he rubs at his face.
Jake: What's the point... Where's the justice?
Pastor: You can't let your insecurities and jealousy keep you from love, Jake. The past is important, but when we start to misuse it, when we abuse ourselves and our loved ones by going over each memory looking for double meanings; jumping at shadows; we ruin ourselves.
Jake sighs.
Pastor: Are you willing to make that mistake?
Jake: How can I pretend that nothings happened?
Pastor: Because, as far as you know, nothing has! She left you and she got in a car with Stern. Past that...
Jake: I can only imagine.
Pastor: Alright, I've said my peace and will not speak more on the subject.
Jake stands and looks at the Pastor.
Jake: I don't know what to do, friar.
Pastor: Such is love.
Lights go down.
Scene 5
SFX: Organ playing soulfully.
Pastor: We gather here today (Lights begin to slowly come up on the Pastor, who stands on the stage alone. He is dress in black and his mode is somber) to celebrate the memory of Stern Adams. He will always be a testament to the strength of the human heart; the conviction of a man searching for the right path; and a friend with the charisma to bring the best out of those around him. His death is a tragedy to mar the face of our time.
He takes a deep breath.
Pastor: He left this world on June 22nd, when he lost control of his car. His only passenger, Toby MacIntyre, is still in St. Sophia's General Hospital under intensive care. I mention it, only, to ask for your prayers for her and her fiancée, as her condition is critical. I petition you to exercise that most powerful of spiritual gifts and lift her up to the L-rd.
Resumes former topic.
Pastor:(Clears throat) When a person with the charisma and talent of Stern Adams dies, they seem to make a tear in the heart of the world; as if G-d, Himself, has taken a portion of the fabric of our reality out and we are left only with a view to void. It is on such an opportunity as this, that we take the time peer through to the other side and examine ourselves before the Lord.
Pastor: We close our service today with a moment of silence, not only in memory for our loved ones who are no longer with us; but in reflection. Stern lived his life with love and wonder; joy and mourning; movement and stillness. But, most of all, he loved the Lord and it made him fearless. Let our love let us be the same. Amen.
Lights down.
Scene 6
SFX: Movie playing on a TV
SFX: Munching
SFX: Small talk chattering
Jake: What then?
Lights come up. Apartment set-up, Jake and Toby are sitting on a couch, a TV propped before them. His arm is around the back of the couch and strokes her shoulders; twirls her hair. She sits very close and turns to look at him, their faces inches apart. He watches the screen while he talks, glancing now and then to gage her reaction.
Toby: (Exasperated) I don't know Jake. Everything is going to be fine. I don't see why we have to talk about it.
Jake: I know. It just is bugging me.
Toby: (sympathetic) Why?
She tucks herself into Jakes chest and wraps her arm about him. She looks at the TV as it flickers, its sound turn down to a light muttering.
Jake: I just worry, y'know?
Toby: There's nothing to worry about, you know that.
Jake: Mmm...
Toby: Why don't you trust me with this? (Sadly, lifting her head)
Jake looks away.
Jake: Mmm...
Toby kisses his cheek.
Jake: What if it fades?
Toby stops, one hand still on his cheek. He turns his head and looks away.
Jake: I don't know.
Toby sits very still looking at him. Emotion begins to build in her as she sits. He turns and looks around the room, trying not to look at her.
Jake: I'm sorry, I don't...
He turns to Toby. She looks down and tears begin to fall.
Jake: Toby. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
Toby: It's out though. I can't not think about it.
Jake pulls her to him and she lets him.
Jake: What do you think?
Toby: What do I think?
She pulls away and looks at Jake. She doesn't make any move to wipe her face.
Toby: Marry me.
Jake: (chokes) What!?
Toby: I can't think of what else will make you trust me. You obviously don't think I can take a year or two at another school in another state...
She pulls away and sits forward on the couch. He sighs and reaches out to rub her back. She ignores it and stares at her feet.
Jake: Tobes...
Toby: (she laughs darkly) Marry me if you don't trust me.
Jake: You know I do.
Toby: Jake, you can't even trust me to go to another school.
Jake: I do, Tobes.
Toby: Whatever.
Jake pulls his hand away and sets it in his lap. He looks down at his hands. Toby sniffs loudly and looks up.
SFX: Door slamming
Stern enters stage right, coming out behind the couch. Toby wipes her face and stands to smile at him.
Toby: Hey Stern, you think I could grab a ride home?
Stern looks around, feeling the tension in the room. He looks at Toby and then at the back of Jakes head.
Stern: Sure, fine. When you wanna go?
Toby: Right now. If it's alright?
Stern: Sure, sure. Everything alright? Jake?
Jake: (Voice clear and controlled. He continues to stare at his lap) Yeah Stern, it's fine.
Stern: (Brightly) Okie Dokie, let's get goin then kiddo!
Toby follows Stern out. Jake continues to sit as the moment lingers. He turns his head slightly, his eye peeking out. It twinkles for a moment and the lights go out.
SFX: Clattering of chairs
SFX: Sound of voices in halls
SFX: 'Shush'
Lights come up on the Library again. Jake and Toby sit next to one another. Their chairs are drawn in close, heads turn toward one another. They are in mid-conversation when the scene begins.
Jake: And?
Toby: (Snorts) That was pretty much the end of gym class. I can't even walk into a gymnasium now. I have panic attacks. G-d help me if I ever saw a rope hanging from a ceiling I would prolly fall into hysterics.
Jake smiles and that and continues to gaze at Toby. The look is loving and she has to turn away from it. He continues to watch her while she blushes and looks about the room. Finally she slaps the top of the table with her hands.
Toby: Well (stands) I gotta get outta here. Gotta meet a friend. (She looks at her watch and then to him) These romantic comedies aren't just going to watch themselves, y'know?
Jake: (Stands and snares her wrist) What is your name?
Toby: Marty McFly.
Jake shakes his head and waits. She looks at him and then at her wrist. He lets go and puts his hands up. He waits, staring.
Toby: I'm guess you wouldn't buy Chris Farly either.
She extends her hand and he takes it.
Toby: Toby.
Jake: Toby
Her hands slips out of his and she walks away. He looks on after her.
Lights down.
Scene 7
SFX: Beach Noises.
Spotlight on Jake. He is sitting on the couch reading.
Woman: (Laughs, then speaks in a hushed whisper) I know, right! But listen, it lasted SO long! It was unbelievable! I had no idea that you could....you know...DO that! (More laughter)
Jake marks his page and walks out to the veranda, spotlight follows. He props his feet up and looks out on the imaginary ocean (SFX: Ocean Waves).
Woman: Alright ma, I'm gonna get back my honeymoon. I love you guys. Tell Dad not to shoot at the Mormons. Love you again. Bye.
SFX: Footsteps.
Toby appears beside Jake on the veranda. She wraps her arms about him and kisses him on the cheek lightly. He turns and kisses her softly on the lips. She laughs and straightens up. She has a book in her hand.
Toby: (clears throat) 'On the 8 West, heading out from Phoenix, I hit a rain storm. Water forming splattered polka dots my windshield. G-d's very own Jackson Pollock. I turned the radio down to listen to the sound of the desert rainstorm. Life poured out upon the land. Then, as suddenly as it came, it evaporated; the smell still lapping at my nostrils.
'Along this same road, and, as much as my knowledge allows, every major interstate, there are millions of tiny divots. These are (again, fully subject to the weight of my assumption) meant to wake the careless driver; for to drive over them, is to invite a vibrating moan. This dissonance is equally as annoying to any of the lucky few who have every heard its utterance whilst pulling over for a highway patrol. Its sound both a warning and a condolence.
'On this particular afternoon, however, each tiny ravine had filled with its own measure of rain; and as I drove, they molded into a moving mirror; reflecting the clear blue sky against the black of the tarmac.
Toby turns and sits on the arm of the chair. Her hand rest on Jake's chest and he strokes her arm.
Toby:'Because of this, one might try to stare at the dark and filthy road; might try with all of his strength to focus on the muck and the dirt, even while a storm rages about him; but G-d's beauty is always the subtle artist, such that a man cannot look at the dirty ground without seeing the clear winter's sky.
Lights out.
End